When I was 16/17 I told one of my younglife leaders I was praying to God for patience. She told me now why would you do that? I said well I need patience I have zero. She told me you pray for that God is just going to give you battles where you have to exercise patience. I immediately stopped praying for patience right then and there.
Fast forward to the age of 22 and I am finding myself more impatient than I have ever been before. I think a lot of it is anxiety, I tend to get impatient when I plan and am planning and I’m waiting for those plans to come to fruition. They play over and over in my head how it’s going to go and if it will work out. As I stated before I have a very planned out year.
There was a point in my life where it was recommended to me by a therapist that I don’t plan. That I take everything day by day. I did that for years to manage a lot of different things and to make it through life. I however am beyond that and am at a point where I do have to plan at least a little bit of my life at a time. Starting with a year at a time.
I’m falling apart about it to be honest. I just want everything now now now. I know not everything can happen now now now. It’s even better that not everything is happening now now now because I’m not even fully prepared.
The last time I was able to slow down in life was honestly covid when everything was closed and I had to learn to slow down. I am very much a go person at times. I’m always occupying my brain in some way. Whether it be reading, going out with friends, or working my mind is occupied. It’s always on go. When I’m constantly thinking and going I never slow down for anything.
I think of something and it happens because I don’t have the patience for it not to. I was talking to my dad and I work with kids and that’s probably the only area of my life where I exercise an extreme amount of patience. They are just precious though. I would do anything for them even slow down and take deep breathes to re center ourselves when it gets too much. My dad was talking about how thats so cool because you can apply that to other ares of your life and you have this skill and etc and I was like hello!!!!!!!! so true!
A lot of the time I have solutions to everything and I just have to wait for them to happen. Instead of pushing it to the back of my brain and not thinking about it its right up in the front occupying my thoughts. Demanding I re go over it. Go over it again. Take it from this angle. What’s the best possible way? How can we make this happen? How can we make this fit? What if we did this? I figure it out and then I can’t wait for it to happen. It’s a lot on my little brain, I put her through so much to be honest.
After my dad said that to me though I’ve decided to actively combat this line of thinking. It’s difficult because I’m fighting a pattern my brain has created, but sometimes it’s about the deep breathes and coming back to reality and the what can we do right now. Re centering. It’s definitely not a cure all but it’s worth a shot. Exercising patience and a bit of mindfulness. Focusing on the now of things instead of what’s coming. Gonna be a bit tough for me to be honest, but I’d rather get it down at 22 then 42.
With my thoughts on the internet,
RJC
With my thoughts on the internet 