No.

Thank you mom and dad for all the times you let me use you as an excuse to not do something I didn’t want to do. Sorry to everyone I told this to. Chances are they would have said yes, they wanted to me have fun.

Growing up I had the crutch of telling people my parents said no. The first time I realized that was going away in my life was when I was sixteen and a boy liked me and I said mom what do I do? She said give it a chance. I looked at her and said “Can’t I just say you won’t let me date?” The answer was no. Lucky for me I haven’t ever felt much guilt in saying no.

There are lots of things I say no to all the time. Recently though, I have found myself making commitments I have no intentions of wanting to do. I was in my shower thinking to myself why did I say yes I did not mean that. Then I got the moment of clarity I needed. I don’t have to do anything I don’t want to do. Ever.

It was really nice to remember that. I’m not saying be a flake, that is mean and makes you unreliable. I am saying just start saying no or let them know you’re thinking about the plans but you can’t commit. For me the fall/winter months I especially don’t want to go out and do things. I’ve told all my friends not to ask until day of because I won’t know until then.

Saying yes when you mean no is a really awful feeling sometimes. It can lead to good things, but it can lead to not the right mindset going in. You could just end up regretting whatever it is because you realize you really don’t want to do it. Then you’re sulking in the corner wanting to go home, but you don’t want to be rude.

PS there is nothing wrong with making an appearance then leaving.

I did a year of no one year when I was in high school. I just practiced the boundary of saying no when I meant no. This came after my year of yes. It is always good to have boundaries and no is a good one. No, I am not going to let you treat me like this. No, I am not going to lie about that for you. No, I don’t want to go. No.

You don’t have to qualify your no either. There doesn’t need to be an excuse. Crazy right? There doesn’t need to be other plans. You just don’t want to do it so you’re not. You’re saying no.

Saying no can make you feel really good once you realize that it makes you feel better. Sometimes I will go out a night before work and say I’m not drinking, they’ll say what time tell me I’ll be fine and I will still say no. In the morning I am always like there was no way I could’ve drank thank god I didn’t. Just little things saying no to makes the difference.

Saying no is not a bad thing, it is really freeing at times. It is important to remember you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do and you can always say no. You are in control of you and no one else.

With my thoughts on the internet,

RJC

ps again, hi pancho!