Growing up I was a very serious child. Like bad. I never met anyone as serious as I was. It was always a topic of conversation among my friends because I did not think their jokes were funny. To be honest even without the stick up my ass and developed sense of humor it objectively was not funny. It just wasn’t my style. I can confidently say fart nosies, turd jokes and drawings just doesn’t do it for me. I have always been more of the serious friend that you would go to with problems rather than jokes and to laugh. For younger me that hurt when I realized that people didn’t think I was funny. To be fair I think sarcasm is lost on a large majority of people no matter the age. It still didn’t make little me feel good though.
I understand that I am just wired as a more serious person but I wish that little me could have understood how to have fun. The idea to write this came from me thinking “I wish someone had told me not to take life so seriously” but if I’m honest they probably did. They probably told me to lighten up and take a joke. I just couldn’t. Little me had a very depressing view of the world that just weighed and weighed. I think the reason I was so serious was because I was so sad all the time. What is so funny when I’m having anxiety attacks and reading more than I’m sleeping. Middle school was when this was extremely a problem. Trying to fit in when you look different from your peers and then to be surrounded by people who weren’t experiencing the things you were is hard. It will always be hard which is why out growing people is a thing. It is why you drift from people at certain points. Why you lean on others more than usual. You gravitate towards people who you think understand you or your situation.
Now that I am older I have adopted the whole “it’s not that serious” mindset. I think to compensate for the lack of it in my childhood. As I work on myself I see where I went wrong with that. Where I overcompensated with it. The truth is that some things really are that serious. That it is okay that some things really are that serious. “It is what it is” also gets me in a lot of trouble I have come to realize. The things you tell yourself are so important! Very important! The most important! I cannot stress it enough! I wish little me had been told that it was okay to be serious. That there is nothing wrong with who I was wired to be. That I could find a balance. Now I am 21 downplaying things because I’ve told myself “it’s not that serious” or “it happens to everyone”.
As I go on in life, I have come to enjoy enjoy having a more serious side. It is not as bad as it seems. I feel it invites more responsibility, but when you have been doing it all your life what’s the difference. Learning that I wasn’t going to be the most funny person in the room was a hard blow, but the world kept spinning. As I got older I was even able to crack a joke and make people laugh. It’s so cool! Middle school just sucks! There are people that think I’m funny. (Thank you Melina for always laughing with me and at my jokes). Learning to balance seriousness and having a sense of humor was a thing to learn. Sometimes I overcompensate with humor when I really just want to break down and cry. I would even say I haven’t gotten the hang of it. That I may never have balance and that balance in anything in life is a myth we all chase.
Sometimes it is that serious and sometimes it is not that serious. It is about knowing when to take yourself or something serious and when to let it go. Which is very hard sometimes, but not impossible. It is all about learning, growing, and evolving. It is never too late to do any of those three things in life.
With my thoughts on the internet,
RJC
With my thoughts on the internet 